Teaching Our Children About Integrity

You learn so much from being a parent! Who knew it could be so "enlightening" shall I say :-). This week was one of those moments when you just have to take a deep sigh, count to 10, and hope you give sound advice that will "stick".

So, my son is now 10 going on 20. It is that age when you think you know everything, and that you can get away with anything too. Do you remember that? I sure do! However, I truly believe my mother "had eyes behind her head" as she would always remind me. How else could she have known all of the mischief I was up to? It never occurred to me that possibly she had done some of the very same things. Aha moment!

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" is so true. My little apple is more like me than I could've imagined. Though I give him credit, as he certainly has a stronger moral compass than I ever did. I have to hope that it is from my parenting, and that maybe, just maybe, some things do sink in with him. Without going into detail, I caught him in a lie. It wasn't a heinous lie, but, it was still bad enough. Just when I thought I could trust him to do the right thing, he opened my eyes to the contrary alright. I immediately confiscated his more prized possessions (laptop, games, Wii System) and told him he would not be getting any of it back until I felt that I could trust him enough. I've learned with him, that the most feared (and successful) punishment has to be this way. To take away his favorite things without concrete knowledge of if/when they may return, is tragic! He was devastated to say the least, and so was I. I take no pleasure in punishing him, or seeing him upset. It's one of the hardest things to have to do as a parent. When you love someone, you just want them to be happy, and you look forward to finding ways to bring them joy. So, it was a bad day alright.

Days later as the angst had passed, and there had been time for both of us to settle down, I decided to talk with him about it. I've certainly learned the value of letting things "cool down" and of perfect timing for everything. I also know that we connect so much better when we are involved in an activity, and not when I sit him down and say, "we need to talk". Ha! That is the sentence no man, no matter how young, ever wants to hear :-)! So, as we were riding bikes I started a conversation with him about integrity and character. I asked him if he knew what those meant. As always, he said, "yes I do", and he attempted to tell me. I have to chuckle inside because though he always thinks his answers are dynamic and on target, half the time he just ends up trailing down a rabbit hole without ever clearly answering it. I defined each one to him, and then I shared one of my favorite quotes, "The true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching". I told him that what he had done was wrong, and that he needs to think more closely about his actions in the future. I let him know that he must strive to always be a man of character, as it will define his life. He looked at me blankly but, I could see that it sunk in. I tried to give him examples of this. He did his best to explain away his previous actions, and to make me believe that he was "confused" about the right thing to do at that time. I told him, "if that is ever the case, you need to come to me and ask". I let him know how important it is to be able to trust him with the little things, in order to trust him with the bigger things. This made perfect sense to him as he wants a dog, and I've told him time and again that I will need to be able to trust him enough to know 100% he will provide and care for it.

So, we enjoyed a good bike ride that day, and he learned more about being a good man. I know he sincerely wants that. He amazes me as he already knows that he wants to be a husband and a father someday too. Wow! All I knew at his age was I wanted to skip school and play on my horse forever! Anyway, a good lesson learned. Hopefully, it will continue to sink in with him. I guess only time will tell.