Building your child's self-esteem

My son is 6 now. My biggest fear while pregnant with him was that I would "mess him up" given my own childhood experiences. I feared that I would be exactly the same to him as my own parents were to me. Thank God that this fear has long since passed! In fact, I wonder how any parent could say or do harmful things to thier children? The love you feel for them just eminates in your actions and you simply cherish them naturally. My son is such a happy, confident, and well-balanced individual!

There are many things that I have done along the way to help build my son's self esteem and assure him of my unconditional love for him. Especially in today's world, I feel that this is necessary. The following list is just a few of the many:

* Spend one-on-one time with him daily. Even if you can only find a few minutes in your busy schedule, and believe me, mine is busy!

* Truly listen to what he is telling me. Ask him about his day, how school was, who his friends are, what challenges he may have had that day?, etc.

* Pray together especially before bedtime. Hold his hand while doing so, and take turns saying the prayer.

* Before prayer at night, I always ask him what was the best thing that happened to him that day?

* I talk to him when I go and check on him in the middle of the night. Yes, it may sound odd, but I do believe that even while sleeping people have some recollection of what they hear :-). I make sure to remind him how much I love him, what a good boy he is, that he is the best gift God ever gave me, etc.

* Whenever he gives me a hard time about something or we are in disagreement, I explain to him my feelings and why I am upset with him. I look him in the eye and calmly state my reasons. I listen to his also. I feel that even children need to know that they have some ground to stand on and the reasons for certain decisions.

* It goes without saying that I continually hug him, tell him I love him, compliment him sincerely, and remind him of his worth to me.

* I let him pick out his clothes. Yes, there are times I have to change his attire, but for the most part he actually does a pretty good job!

* Spend time coloring with him, playing basketball with him, taking walks together, watching good movies together, dancing together, etc.

* Asking him his opinion on things, then asking him why he feels that way?

* Teaching him about money and savings. Letting him know the value of hard work, and being able to earn money of his own that he happily keeps in his piggy bank and is so proud to have.

* Letting him make choices on things: where to eat, what movie to watch, what activity to do, etc (within reason of course).

These are only a few of the things that I make sure to do consistently. I'm sure some of them are things you do as well. If not, you may want to try a few of them and see what happens :-). My son knows he is loved unconditionally, he is valued, and that he is safe. He also knows however, that I am still his mother and the main decisions will always fall on me to decide. This is a boundary that stays consistent. Yet, we have very few power struggles due to the trust and the confidence I have built in him.

Happy parenting to all of you!