The more you own, the more it owns you...

For 18 years I lived in a condo that was about 450 sq feet. I did not have a washer & dryer, or a kitchen table. I would keep my clothes under the bed, stuffed to the max in the tiny closet I had, and even in the kitchen cabinets. Oh, I also kept them in the oven ( I know, not too smart :-), but I never cook anyway!). I would dream of the day that I would have a bigger home and a lot more space.

Today, I live in a house over 4 times the size. I have a large yard, a garage, and a big laundry room. Instead of 1 bathroom, I now have 3 bathrooms. It is 2 stories with 3 bedrooms, and even a playroom for my son. I am truly grateful that God has seen fit to give me this lovely home, and a place to joyfully raise a very active little boy.

OK, here is the point to all of this. Yes, I am so grateful and would not want to be in that cramped little condo again. And yet, there is also something to be said about the simplicity that it held. I remind myself this and it keeps me quite grounded. Instead of 15 minutes to clean my house, it now can take hours. The yard is another job in itself. It reminds me of having another child, as it can be tempermental, time consuming, and quite costly (I say that in the nicest way :-)). There are more things that can break down, more to furnish, more to decorate, etc.

I also used to have a very nice BMW. Ahhh yes, nothing as sweet as the hum of that German engineering! For years I drove different styles of them. I felt as though I needed that in my life I guess. I've since changed my views. Now I drive a 7 year old Toyota Scion that I paid cash for. The gas is great, the insurance is so affordable, and I'm not constantly worried that someone will ding my doors! Do I occasionally breathe a deep sigh as I see a BMW drive by me? YES! However, again I say, "the more you own, the more it owns you"! It's wonderful not having a car payment and the aggravation of worrying all the time. Not to mention the cost to repair it.

I hope you get my point. I am not against having nice things, or wanting more. I just hope you always know that nothing comes without a cost. Truly, the more you own, the more it owns you. So...weigh your decisions carefully before purchasing something you may regret later. Consider the impact of ownership, no matter what it is. And try always to look at the bigger picture.

Building your child's self-esteem

My son is 6 now. My biggest fear while pregnant with him was that I would "mess him up" given my own childhood experiences. I feared that I would be exactly the same to him as my own parents were to me. Thank God that this fear has long since passed! In fact, I wonder how any parent could say or do harmful things to thier children? The love you feel for them just eminates in your actions and you simply cherish them naturally. My son is such a happy, confident, and well-balanced individual!

There are many things that I have done along the way to help build my son's self esteem and assure him of my unconditional love for him. Especially in today's world, I feel that this is necessary. The following list is just a few of the many:

* Spend one-on-one time with him daily. Even if you can only find a few minutes in your busy schedule, and believe me, mine is busy!

* Truly listen to what he is telling me. Ask him about his day, how school was, who his friends are, what challenges he may have had that day?, etc.

* Pray together especially before bedtime. Hold his hand while doing so, and take turns saying the prayer.

* Before prayer at night, I always ask him what was the best thing that happened to him that day?

* I talk to him when I go and check on him in the middle of the night. Yes, it may sound odd, but I do believe that even while sleeping people have some recollection of what they hear :-). I make sure to remind him how much I love him, what a good boy he is, that he is the best gift God ever gave me, etc.

* Whenever he gives me a hard time about something or we are in disagreement, I explain to him my feelings and why I am upset with him. I look him in the eye and calmly state my reasons. I listen to his also. I feel that even children need to know that they have some ground to stand on and the reasons for certain decisions.

* It goes without saying that I continually hug him, tell him I love him, compliment him sincerely, and remind him of his worth to me.

* I let him pick out his clothes. Yes, there are times I have to change his attire, but for the most part he actually does a pretty good job!

* Spend time coloring with him, playing basketball with him, taking walks together, watching good movies together, dancing together, etc.

* Asking him his opinion on things, then asking him why he feels that way?

* Teaching him about money and savings. Letting him know the value of hard work, and being able to earn money of his own that he happily keeps in his piggy bank and is so proud to have.

* Letting him make choices on things: where to eat, what movie to watch, what activity to do, etc (within reason of course).

These are only a few of the things that I make sure to do consistently. I'm sure some of them are things you do as well. If not, you may want to try a few of them and see what happens :-). My son knows he is loved unconditionally, he is valued, and that he is safe. He also knows however, that I am still his mother and the main decisions will always fall on me to decide. This is a boundary that stays consistent. Yet, we have very few power struggles due to the trust and the confidence I have built in him.

Happy parenting to all of you!

"Taking out the trash"...in our heads of course!

I just saw a wonderful movie called "The Peaceful Warrior". It's been out for several years, but glad I stumbled onto it. Nick Nolte as the teacher who has apparently "slain his dragons" is a little hard to grasp at first. However, he does grow on you in time :-). This is the true story of Dan Millman and how as a young world class gymnast, he learned to get his priorities straight. Most of all though, he learned to "take out the trash" in his own mind.

Earlier in my own life I also learned the value of clearing your mind. It is one of the hardest things to do, and to this day, I work on it daily. I learned the value of surrounding myself with positive people and positive influences. Most of all, I learned the gift of time alone...and with God. Needless to say, my childhood left me tons of baggage to haul around, but I worked on letting it go. Even if it meant creating a big red stop sign in my mind that was my signal to STOP cluttering my head with judgments, anger, unforgiveness, jealousy, etc..

Listen, I know that we are all victim to the human experience. It surrounds us every second and is often hard to let go. Earlier in my blogs I mentioned the value in letting go of the news. I used to listen to the daily news regularly, just waiting for the next shocking detail to raise it's ugly head. In fact, I found myself feeling guilty and just plain awful for looking forward to that. So, I let it go. Not an easy thing, but definitely able to be done.

Anyway, I am sure that there are things in your own life that could be left behind in order for you to take out your own garbage. I would really encourage you to think of the things in life that clutter your thoughts and weigh down your heart. Then, I would also think about the things that do the opposite of that...and start filling your life with those. Life is too short, and in the end, it is joy and love that truly matter most. Peace to you.

Costa Rica here we come!

So, I know this may sound completely crazy, but I just realized that YES...I am Costa Rican!! I took a good look at my birth certificate and noticed my mother was born there, which of course makes me Costa Rican too. Most of you would know these things. I guess I am slow when it comes to things like that. Mostly though, I am sure it is my mother being gone for so long. How would I know for sure? I mean really!! How many people sit and look at their birth certificates anyway?? O.K. enough with that.

My Church is planning a mission trip there in the fall. I have always wanted to visit there and knew that someday I would. It is an absolutely beautiful country with the most breathtaking views I have seen (in pictures). However, it is also a poor country with so many that are suffering. That is where I...and my little man will lend a hand. I think it is a PERFECT opportunity for him to see firsthand the importance of service to others. He has lead a somewhat sheltered life until now. Not anymore :-)! Even at 6 years old, he can appreciate the needs of others and this will allow him to stretch beyond his own comfort zone of giving. I am excited!

Lots to plan in the meantime, especially just the cost of the whole thing. Yet I know, God will provide as He always has. I am not worried. And, you all know that I am a big "saver" and very "resourceful". We will be fine! My prayer warriors out there can certainly keep this in their prayers though. Blessings to all till next time!

Kathleen's Closet :-)

Well, I have finally created a new site called Kathy's Closet www.kathyscloset.biz
Most of you know that I have been selling on eBay for 11 years. My items have mainly been clothing, shoes, handbags and jewelry. It is something that I enjoy selling and I always try to find very unique items. Of course they are sold for great prices too, which has helped me to create a bit of a following with loyal customers.

Times are difficult for so many people. It is not luck (as some may think) that keeps me afloat. I can honestly say it is the art of resilience and the discipline to always work hard to stay ahead. I truly believe that most people can achieve great results, if they only dedicate themselves to hard work, smart work, and charity to others of course. For me, it is also the little face that looks up at me daily and reminds me of my responsibilities and for that, I am truly grateful.

So, I have my new site now and have packed it full of great bargains. I plan to keep doing so, as I love new adventures! I challenge each of you to really think about your passions and what you enjoy doing. What are you talented at? What can you do from home in your spare time? But especially, what would you regret not having done when you do look back at your life?? Hmmmmmmmn.................

Saving on Gasoline!

Everyday we are reminded of the rising cost of gas. Thankfully, I now drive a more economical car. However, it is still painful to fill the tank. So, I hope that most of you are looking at ways to save gas. Here are some things that I do which truly help my gas tank "go the extra mile":

* Definitely sign up for Parkers Pump Pal program which saves you .10 to .15 per gallon. I see where Enmark, Shell and other companies are also jumping on the bandwagon. Why not? It's a great advertisement and certainly helps grow their business. Kroger grocery stores offer discounts on gas based on your purchases. There are so many perks now so it pays to do your research. The Parkers card works just like a debit card. You will need to go into the station to initially get your card, but you easily activate it online and connect it with your bank account.

* Try to drive the speed limit. I know in some cities it is harder to do so, but it really does save gas! Let the tailgaters go around. It's worth the money you will save in the long run!

* Keep your tires inflated properly. Inside the door jam you will see the proper inflation number (or in your owners manual). Try to check it at least monthly. Especially in colder weather as tires lose air quicker.

* Don't drive with your windows open! Yes, the wind blowing through your hair is so nice. However, the additional drag on your car just eats more gas to get you to where you are going.

* Don't put "your petal to the metal" as the light turns green! Again, it just wastes gas, and the extra minute you may gain in drive time really isn't worth it.

* Make sure your tires have decent tread life (at least 50%). And as I mentioned in an earlier post, you can buy your tires online through www.directtire.com or www.tirerack.com, etc. to save money!

* Change your oil regularly (at least every 5000 miles)

* Check that your sparkplugs are still good as it may be time to change those as well.

Anyway, these are just a few ways I have found to save on gasoline. There are many other ways. The bottom line is watch your driving and maintain your car!

See you next time!

Gratitude in the worst of times....

So, this week was a tough week. I am not immune from the "human condition" and the daily trials that challenge us. I know there are so many others that are experiencing all kinds of challenges. There were some big financial setbacks and some work issues for me. Ironic to think that I had just overcome some financial issues, paid off some debt, and was feeling ahead of the game :-)! My friend, who has unfortunately passed on, used to tell me that once we are out of one crisis, another is waiting to come our way. Agh!! Not a good thought, but unfortunately, often true.

I have learned to always try and see something positive out of every negative. It may sound a bit "Pollyanna" (and if you don't know that term, you must be quite a bit younger than me :-))! I know that if I can turn things around, it just makes my life so much more easier. I guess it may even be a bit selfish, as I don't do it so much for the sake of others, I do it for the sake of myself. I do see however, that in the long run it is for others as my interactions with them...especially my son, are so much better. I don't end up taking out my frustrations on friends and family.

This morning as I was asking God to show me a sign that would give me more peace, I did get what I prayed for. I happened to be calling on a Doctor's office as that is my profession. This particular doctor was an Oncologist so they deal with cancer patients. As I was leaving the office, there was a very frail woman walking in front of me. She was so thin and carrying lots of bags that I would have gladly helped her with. I watched as she walked to make sure she made it to her car OK. I could not help thinking to myself, "My God, look at that poor woman. She is so thin and probably battling the fight of her life with cancer. And here I am, healthy, with a healthy and beautiful child, worrying about things that will take care of themselves"! I instantly felt ashamed of myself for even worrying when I know God is truly in control and always has been. That poor woman may never get better and would probably be so grateful to have to deal with the things that I think are so terrible.

It's a daily lesson that we all deal with. It's often hard to see outside of our own circumstances but I challenge you to do so. Volunteer to help those less fortunate and help someone whenever you can. Life is short, and in the end what truly matters is the love we give, not the trivial daily "stuff" that steals our joy. Be blessed!

Financially Speaking...

Sorry it has been a while since my last post. The months just go by so fast. Already 4 months into 2011 and wondering where the months went!

So, there have been some very positive changes this year. The first is that I have finally started a 401K. It is employer matched and automatically deducted from my bi-weekly paychecks. I know it is late to have started one, but, at least I did. I intend to keep it going until it is able to be deducted many years from now :-). The future is always uncertain as we know, it is good to have a cushion to fall back on.

I also have a health savings account that is employer matched. It comes in the form of a Visa card and is so easy and helpful. You can choose what you want automatically deducted from your check. If your employer does not offer this, many banks now do. It is a great way to use pre-tax dollars for health related issues that arise (like an oral surgery I just had to have Aghhhh)! You never know what is going to come up health wise, no matter how healthy you are. Think about opening one up!

Lastly, I just sold my car that I loved. Why? Well, it was purchased on my HELOC (Home Equity Line of Credit) which was a good move as I could deduct the interest yearly. However, it was more car than I really needed. My job now requires a great deal of car travel. Therefore, I also needed to downsize into a more fuel efficient vehicle. So, that is exactly what I did. I sold and purchased both via Craigslist. My new vehicle is older, but what a great deal I got! And the gas mileage and insurance are so much better. I immediately paid down my HELOC and it felt good! There is still a ways to go, but each month I chip away at it. I also add to a savings account and pay down any other debt as much as possible.

Just remember, with more money, you have more choices. It is a good feeling to know that you have a "rainy day" fund and other cushions should you need to "float a while".

Happy saving!

Learning to say "sorry"

Being a single mom is certainly challenging, especially with no family. Though I should be used to it by now, believe me, I have my moments. Since this is my blog, and I am all about honesty, I just have to admit that sometimes I do lose it...like most moms. Although it's hard to admit, it's definitely true. Just the other day I entered the TV room to find 3 colors of crayon on my faux zebra skin rug. Can you say "Aghhhhh"!! My poor son. He didn't do it on purpose. There was a space heater on in that room and the crayons were next to it. He says to me, "Wow Mommy, I never knew that crayons could melt"? Of course I went to see what he was talking about. And yes, it was not pretty. I did get quite upset with him and even sent him to his room. I then attempted to clean the mess. I was still angry while I was cleaning it. After a while, I got the bright idea to just turn it upside down :-). Thankfully, that did the trick! Brand new again!

I felt bad for having yelled at my son. I apologized, but guess what, you truly can't take the words back. Once they have been said, it's a done deal. Thankfully my son is quite resilient and bounces right back from most things. He didn't even get frazzled about it, but I sure did. I apologized first thing the next morning when I woke him up, and he didn't even remember the incident...but I did.

Please never forget to say, "I'm sorry and I love you". Never be too proud or too busy to utter those words. Life is too short, and love truly is what matters. Forgive and forget. It's a constant lesson that I work on.

I hope you dance :-)

Lee Ann Womack sings a beautiful song titled, "I Hope You Dance". I have sang this song in the past at different events, and each time someone approaches me afterward to ask me the name and composer. Someone even told me it is the song they want sung at their funeral.

So, this is what I say...I hope you dance every day and not just at the end of your life. Believe me, life is busy and stressful, and often times painful too. After work I am rushed to take care of my son and prepare for the next day. Yet, while trying to make dinner, go through mail, return calls, etc., I hear his little sweet voice say, "Mommy, you wanna dance" as a favorite song comes on. In those moments I do have a first reaction to say, "Sorry honey, Mommy is busy and can't dance right now". But also in that moment I am reminded that he will only be little for a short time. There will come a day that maybe he is too busy to dance with his Mommy. I put down the dishes, put away the mail, turn off the phone...and we dance :-)! If there is stress in my day, all of a sudden, it isn't so important anymore. We laugh and giggle hysterically as his little body tries to spin me around. I've taught him some cute dance moves and he is adorable as he tries to do them. It just makes us so happy!

When I did Nursing Home Ministry, I'd even dance with the folks in their wheelchairs. Challenging yes. Priceless, indeed! No matter how old, we all love to dance. Even if our legs no longer cooperate, our hearts and minds can.

So, this is hoping that all of you dance now and every day. Put away your cares for even a moment. Act likes kids no matter who is watching. Laugh more, love more.