Christmas Memories...good and bad.

It is almost Christmas as my little boy reminds me daily. Awwwww, the sweet anticipation of a 6 year old who anxiously awaits Santa's arrival. Thankfully, I finally put up our tree last weekend. He was so afraid Santa would get confused and not know where to leave his presents! I assured him Santa was very smart and could probably find a good place even without the tree :-). However, I know the importance of this, and of all of these young memories he will hold with him forever.

This is also the week that my mother committed suicide so many years ago. I had just turned 16 and though my world was already upside down, it did a huge 360, never to go back again. If being 16 in an upside down world wasn't enough, I learned very quickly of the many other cruelties outside of my own house. Though already a very mature 16 year old, I aged 10 years very quickly. There were so many things that happened before, and after that time. The very same things that I hold with me forever too.

It is truly by God's grace that I have been able to give my little boy exactly what I did not get as a child. His world is full of love, and of security, and filled with the knowledge that he is cherished just because he is my child. He has always known from the moment the Doctor placed him gently on my chest, that he will always have a soft place to land. I've spent countless hours staring at him in complete awe of this miracle God has chosen to give to me.

The biggest fear that I had while pregnant, was that I would be abusive or that I would show my son the same messed up life my parents showed to me. I was actually terrified. And yet, it has been exactly the opposite as I wonder how anyone could ever harm a hair on that tiny head. The love you have for your child is so immeasurable and is such a natural driving force, you would never harm them. If anything, I suffer from trying to protect him from lifes cruelties...and sadly I know that I can not.

So, this Christmas will be another of many that will be beautiful and filled with love and laughter. My eyes will fill with tears just to hear his tiny footsteps running down the stairs to see what Santa has brought for him. He will tear each package open and exclaim to me how happy he is. He will show me everything, but the biggest thing he will show me is how a life can change for the better. He will sit on my lap, tell me he loves me so much, and that he is so happy. The very same things I never said as a girl, and never thought I would hear from my own unexpected miracle child.

May your Christmas be filled with all of lifes many blessings. I hope and pray that you can reflect on so many things, and that you can also find grace and peace in whatever your circumstances may be. Merry Christmas.

Embrace Rejection

As human beings it is often difficult to go through life without ever experiencing rejection. It could in the form of a romantic interest, a desired job, a piece of work you submitted, etc. Most of us can look back on our childhoods and even though we may have forgotten certain aspects, I bet we can remember those times we were rejected.

I still remember when I auditioned for a traveling choral group in High School. Singing has always been a passion of mine, thus, I take it very personally. I'd practiced for weeks to prepare for the big day and when it came, I delivered my song well. Leaving that audition, I just knew I'd be part of the group and that a phone call was soon to come announcing my acceptance! Well, the phone call did come, however, it wasn't to tell me I had been accepted. On the contrary, it was to inform me that I had not been accepted. Needless to say, I was crushed. In fact, I was more than crushed. All of a sudden I felt that I was the worst singer in the world and I vowed to never sing again!

Looking back on this memory is painful even now. On a positive note, I did go on to sing again. In fact, I have been singing professionally for years and am considered to be a highly accomplished vocalist. I have to tell you that I did eventually find out why I didn't make the choral group. It actually had nothing to do with my singing, but had everything to do with my grades. In order to be part of that prestigious group, you also had to maintain a high grade point average, which I did not have. It wasn't that I couldn't achieve it, but I guess at that time of my life, I didn't see the benefit of studying and trying to maintain good grades. I felt like I could just coast through school and get by. It was a common perception that I had for a good part of my younger life, but thankfully I have since learned the value of hard work.

You may have been rejected by a love interest, a job, a group you wanted to join, etc. As a Writer, I occasionally have my writing submissions returned with edits needed. My first reaction always seems to be disappointment or even frustration. But when I really look at the situation I actually become grateful for the chance to learn from my mistakes. There have been many jobs in my lifetime that I did not get. Yet, I look back and realize that in the long run they would not have suited me at all. Same goes for relationships I have had.

So, the next time you experience rejection, try to turn it around. Yes, at first you can allow yourself time to grieve, but when the grieving is over, it's time to rejoice. Most importantly, don't ever give up on your dreams or your hopes. In time you can look back and possibly smile at what you've accomplished and where you have landed...which is right back on your feet!

Giving up the news

Years ago I had a friend who boldly stated he did not listen to the news. Of course at the time I thought that was odd...and maybe he was odd too (I know me bad). However, I have since learned what a gem of an idea that is. So, I adopted it in my own life 3 1/2 years ago as my New Years Resolution. Rather than try a new diet to lose weight like many people do, I decided to try a new way of life to lose stress. How is it working? Fabulously! I love the fact that my mind is not cluttered by all of the evil that goes on in the world. Believe me, I know evil exists all too well and I don't need to be reminded of it daily. Especially after having become a Mom, I could not take listening to one more story about a child being hurt, or God forbid, killed! You Mothers out there know what I mean. You worry enough about your children without all of the reminders of just how evil people can be. So, I listen to positive programming on my TV and on my radio. I set my alarm to wake up to uplifting or soothing music. If I am driving along and the radio station cuts into the news, guess what, I just switch channels! Think what you will, but I can attest to the fact that this had helped me so much. You should try it sometime. You won't be missing much either. Instead, maybe you will adopt more hope in the world and the people you are surrounded by daily. I know I have (and still keeping a watchful eye of course :-)). Follow your instincts on things. You'll be grateful so many times over!